I smile cause its the easiest way to hide the pain-try steeping in my shoesand walking a milethen you'll see just how hard it isto fight back the tearsand fake a smileand nowlaying in my bedremembering a conversationin my headand imagining what i should've said insteadbut sometimes i just need to distance my selffrom othersif they carethey'll notice, if they don'tthen we know where we stand.and soi'm going to smile,so you think i'm happy,i'm going to laugh,so you don't see me cry.I'm going to let you go in styleand even if it kills mei'm going to smile.and it turns outthat i wasn't your love,i was just a map,you were using to find her.you told me you loved me,i believed you too.boy, was i stupidi can't believe i ever loved you.but roads aren't straight.they'll curve, they'll dip, they'll move in circles,and if i really want what's at the end,i'll keep walking.but if you don't chase after me once i walk away,i won't turn around.because eventually all the pieceswill fall into placeso until theni'l
GoodByeI can't believe this.I actually thought i meant something to you.I guess i don't anymore.You use to love me.You use to miss me.You use to care about me.You use to always want to be with me.What happened to those feelings?Where are they now?You knew me better than anyone else.You always wanted me to be happy.You use to say that i was the key to your happiness.I guess those are just faint memories to you now...It'll never be the same between us.Because no matter what i'll always love you.And i'll always want to be with you.You'll always mean something to me.But i'll give you your space.I'll let you be happy.I'll stay out of your life if that's what you want.I won't ever bother you.I'll just leave you alone.I'll let you go.And i'll say goodbye to everything we had,everything we use to be,and everything i wanted us to be...Because i won't mean as much to you as i use to.And no matter how much i wish and pray to have you back....i know it won't happen.It just ki
It's All Good... NotIts all Good; NotI'm Fine; I'm so notIt's fine; don't you believe for one second that it isDon't worry; worryLeave me alone; comfort meI smile when i'm dying insideI act like everythings perfect when things are crashing down around meWhen i'm happy, all i really want to do is burst into tearsDon't say it's going to be okayBecause it won't beAs long as your not with meNothing will ever be okayYou have no idea how much you meant to meThey way you just up and left with out meHurt more than you know.Those wounds will never heal
-insert title here-She sighed softly, holding her stomach tight. Looking out her bedroom window waiting impatiently for him to pull up in her drive way. As she paced back and forth in her room, looking down at her white and purple carpet stained with black eyeliner and mascara. Walking over to her bed, see looked down at the message she sent him, "I need to talk to you
" looking up from her phone, she heard a car door shut. She almost ran to the window seeing him walk up to the house. She walked down the stairs and let him in. Then, quickly before her parents could see, she tugged him upstairs to her room. She almost slammed the door before throwing her arms around him. He rubbed her back softly, comforting her. Breaking the silence, he asks "What's wrong sweetheart?"I bite my lip and hold back tears. He holds her face and looks into my eyes which only made it worse. "Tell me, babe, please?"She sighed then sat him down on her bed. Holding his hand tight, fe
LIKE I KNEW IT WOULD BELIKE I KNEW IT WOULD BEby *DarlingAngel0565I should have known,I should have seen,Nothing ever wonderful can happen for me
Up on a cloud nineFeeling the light,Now I am drowning inside,With no end in sight.Why did I open my heart?That hidden door I unlockedFeeling hope, joy, and anticipationFeelings I thought that were lost.Feeling specialLike for once it may be for meBut alas I am just destined for disappointment,Pain and misery.Tears flow out my eyes at the pain I feel.I still can't believe it's happened againI listened to you and opened upLetting my guard down,Letting these emotions loose.Believing and dreaming like I used toYet in the endIts like I knew it would be,Love and happiness just isn't for me.Now I know,Now I can see,Now I know the truth,That true happiness will never be for me.Only pain and loneliness are my path
The road I walk will be alone,Never ever again shall I open the door.It shall be closed for all from this day forth,Bu
I'm going to cry.I'm going to cry for all I've lost,And you can't or won't stop me.I'm going to die for all I was,And all you'll do is watch me.I'm going to hide from you,Afraid to show my weakness.I would happily die for you,But I still regret this.I didn't want this life,I didn't want these tears.I didn't want this life,I didn't want these fears.I used to cause myself pain,To make sure I still feel.I'll do it now and again,To make sure it's still real.I'm going to cry for all I've lost,And you can't stop me.These tears I cry at my cost,For once will flow freely.
Dear YouDear You, Smile. Even though you're always beautiful, a frown doesn't really suit you. Love, Me.P.S. I care.
LovelessI just can't seem to get out of this rutA razor in my wrist and no food in my gutI'm lost and sobbing, I need to get outI don't even know what I'm crying aboutOh wait, yes I do, it's because of all this hateIs this helpless hopeless feeling meant to be my fate?NO! I won't let it... how do I stop?Every time I cut deeper hoping for a last dropFat. Pathetic. Useless. Loveless. Whore.Just go slit your wrists and eat some moreThe demon of the blade calls my nameI try to fight but its always the sameHe tells me I'm alone and forever shall beLook in my eyes, tell me what you seeHe lives in there, in my mind, in my wrist, under my skinHe cries out in pleasure as the razor digs inI try to kill him, cut him out, make him bleedBut it always turns i
HopelessYou left me brokenAnd hurt,TatteredAnd worn,AloneAnd hopeless,Trying to pick up the pieces,That you so easily made of meWhen you walked away,Without even looking back.I guess you really didn't care.After all, it was only me right?Nothing special,Nothing to brag about.Not something someone would wantOr would treasure.Not good enoughRight?
And the peace came...And the peace came
.She's screaming out into desolation,Out into the wasteland that is now her soul, her home.She's never lived like this before; she's never lived truly alone.Darkness would be a comfort to herBut this land is full of lightAlways shining, never stopping.She longs for the cover of night.A blackened view is like a shieldIt defends from evils you can't imagineBut they exist and use her like a battlefield.So to cover up the screaming she covers up her mouth.A silence grows around herBut inside the war goes on.Her chest starts to hurt and throb from lack of air,She feels her vision blurring as she collapses on a chair,And a feeling she missed and wished for each nightSwept over her, it was sinfully right.She can't stop now; she can't give in to the fightAnd the peace is coming and bringing its delight.She's lying there, in the dark, blissfully alone.She lies there, rotting to the bone.She sleeps
.Because the peace came
.Because the pea
Good enoughAm i not good enough for you?What can i do to make me good enoughHow deep must i cut tell i'm good enoughWho must i kill to be good enoughWhy i'm i never good enoughSomeone please take this knife and plunge it into my flesh over and over and over againCarve me up tell someone will find me attractiveCut me tell my blood drowns the worldLook at all the pretty red drops that fall from the skyLook closely and you'll see all the faces of all the people who self harm inj the dropletsSee the droplets feed the earth and grow the all the plantsLook, our pain, does help
I miss youI miss youI don't know why.Is it the pain I felt every day?Is it the tears that fell for you?What about the lies you told?Or is it the hate you spread?Is it the happiness you stole?Is it the love you killed?Or maybe the blame you threw at me?I guess in the end
I really don't miss you.It doesn't mean I didn't love you enoughTo try.
Forget My NameI could've drowned in the tears I shedBut I swam to the other sideYour words, like razors, could've cut me apartBut the cracks in my heart no longer resideThe way you dismissed me could kill me slowlyBut my heart, I defendAfter all those years I wasted loving youTo you, I no longer surrendYou wish you could forget meI will not lose this gameAs you walk away without meIn your mind, I'll still remainI'm out of your trap, I am set freeBut you'll never forget my nameEverything that we've been throughYou pretend it's all goneBut you know I once held your heartTo you, I no longer belongEnded in heartbreak in FebruaryAfter our first kiss in OctoberNo more tears to cry over you nowHigh with new love, yet still as soberAnd I bet you wish you could forget meBut I will not lose this gameAs you walk away without meIn your mind, I'll still remainI'm out of your trap, I am set freeBut you'll never forget my nameBare the shame as you realize you were wrongSomeday you'll l
Never MindI guess you’re happy nowI don’t need to ask you howIt’s easy to seeHe isn’t meBut don’t think I understandBecause I gave you all I canAnd you just walked away from meLike I didn’t matter at allNever mind the way I feelNever mind the tears I criedNever mind the moments lostNever mind the time gone byNever mind the broken dreamsNever mind the last goodbyeNever mind the promisesNever mind, just never mindWhat is it that he gives youWhat was is that I didn’t doHow was I wrong?Why are you gone?I can’t bring myself to knowWhy you ever hurt me soAfter all the time we spent togetherLike I never mattered at allNever mind how I loved youNever mind how I triedNever mind that I need youNever mind that I criedNever mind what I surrenderedNever mind what it costNever mind that I’m lonelyNever mind that I’m lostNever mind what we wereNever mind what was trueNever mind I was happyNever mind I loved youNever
Gender Identity DisorderYou've seemed to notice my sudden depressionHave you asked me anything about it?To you it's teenage hormonesOh, have we even talked about it?Could it be something more?Why cant we have a discussion?I've got a little secret,Hiding deep inside of meI'm not just your daughterI'm not really just a girlYou could say, I'm a bit of a boyGender Identity DisorderThere have been so many signsI'm trying to change, for the betterIt'd finally make me happySure, I have other problems tooThis one really needs to be addressedCan't we come to terms?There are parts of me you wouldn't understandMaybe you just aren't very open mindedIt's time I get to be happyDo you get it now?I'm not comfortable as a femaleI don't want to be male either...Your "daughter" is bothA mixture of emotions, feelingsMaking me a bit twistedNow you are aware...What makes me a bit depressed!And you still won't accept me...
NumbLove.It only will hurt you in the end.We know it will hurt and yet we still want it.what does that make us?Me?I've finally given up on love.I can't stand it.Getting shot down time and time again.One can only stand getting abused so much.I just don't care any more.You said no, thats fine fucking dandy.No one ever thinks about how I would feel.So I give up.From now on I am making my self numb to you.Love is black and white.But love for me?There is no color.None at all.
Only HumanPerfect imperfection quickly bloomin' After all I'm only human.Trying to work against my own design. Denying the faults that are mine.Hating the reflection in the mirror... The conclusion of all my fear.I am not perfect but I strive to be. This is the truth that ruins me.An uphill battle that's always waging. "Only Human"...my heart raging!I want to be better but not for pride. Held back by humility's chide.Incapable solely because of me. Ashamed of the flaws that I see.My own motivation is all but lost. In this fight I must count the cost.It is for love that I pay this great price. Any vain pursuits die as vice.Wanting to be perfect for others' sake. My desire: being real, not fake.
Remember my voice again.I remember that feeling.Like hot liquid rushing over your shoulders..Like stars dancing over your cheeks, glistening..Like you made me feel special, needed.I remember what I would do.I'd run my fingers through your hair while I'd gently scratch that itch of yours.The itch that only I knew about..Your itch of desire, the one you hid from everyone else..Like you and I shared one soul, one mind.I still have your scent on my pillows, my clothes, my skin.I can't ignore the chills it still sends up my back.. even if they're not very strong.You and I used to be strong.. we were a tag-team, never to abandon the other..Then why did you..?I remember late at night when I would give you massages, just because you were achy from your time of month.I'd gently massage your shoulders.. your sides.. never expecting to receive a thing.But when I would, I'd assume that you meant it..Everything.. everything I gave your way.Even though you'd never admit you were gay.I still hear your voic
I'm still alive. Why?Yeah, I hate mornings.---I wear bruised bones and sleepless lids.I watch you constantly not noticing.I'm still trying to shake you from my dreams.I toss and kick because the blankets suffocate me.You suffocate me.---I wrote you letters and hid them in bins.I wanted to mail them, but kept forgetting.I played a song too loud, I broke the speakers.I'm trying too hard to block out your laughter.I'm trying to block out you.---I kissed a boy I had just met.I told him it was special and that was it.I smoked and drank to intoxicate my mind.I fell apart because you still hurt me inside.I can't get you out.---I called and left a message that said goodbye.I took a number on my arms too many times.I told myself that you weren't worth the pain.I still thought ending myself was the right way.I'm still alive. Why?
I'm SorryI'm Trying Not To Love You,I'm Trying Not To Care,I'm Trying Not To Live My Life,Wishing You Were There.I'm Trying Not To Wonder,Where You AreOr What You Do.I'm Sorry,I Can't Help Myself,I Fell In Love With You....